Afternoon Drive

I took a drive last night with an old classmate that I don't believe I have seen since we graduated. It was good catching up. We reminisced about girls we should have asked out and things we wish we would have done. We talked for a couple hours touching on pretty much every topic that many find difficult to civilly discuss. All-in-all it was a good night and I learned that we shared many common interests and I wish we would have been friends back then. I really missed out on a cool guy and probably a good friend.

Honestly, I am amazed I followed through with it. These days I find that when I make plans to do something before the event occurs, I get stuck in my own head and end up canceling. Sure sometimes it is because if my physical health issues. But I will let you in on a little secret. Sometimes I use that as an excuse when in reality my insecurities and fears are what is driving me.

I didn't use to be this way. Once I was a very social person. It seems over the years I have become more and more withdrawn and isolated. If I am being honest with myself and you, sometimes what drives me to isolate is embarrassment over how my life has turned out. Other times it is the anxiety caused by worries that don't really relate to the situation but somehow in my mind, I have connected them and the weight they produce is more than I want to bear.

I know it is silly and in the past, I would have told myself I was being silly and got over it. In the past, I was able to do many things that today seem impossible. Part of that is my physical elements. Another part is my mental illness of which I am ashamed to admit I suffer from.

Embarrassment, anxiety, and shame...

Gloom, despair, and agony on me Deep, dark depression, excessive misery If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all Gloom, despair, and agony on me.

By the way, I am working on myself, trying to forge new tools to free me from the grips of the worry and anxiety. It is a slow process but I am sure I will get there or at least somewhere close to there.

But for now, Facebook will have to do.

PS, please don't judge me..