Pick a Direction

This morning I am sitting at my desk really wanting to write something light and fun...I got nothing... Here is something old but worth sharing...I think this is the best I can do today.

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There can be no greater darkness known to a troubled mind than that experienced at 3:00am. I once heard a survivalist say that if one can endure to 3:00am they will see the dawn of a new day. I agree with him. For midnight is not dark; only the start of the bleakness caused by worry. The weight can truly be felt at 3:00am for it is then that decisions are made and paths are set for the day to come. It is then that sleep can be found or not. But at 3:01am one is safe.

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Okay, I am going to try again...maybe this time I will find some words worth passing on.

I have seen many hard times in this life. Times when the darkness seemed to swallow all the light about me. I wish I could tell you now that in those times I stood strong and because of my courage the light outshined the darkness, but since I am a simple man with nothing to prove to any, I can easily admit that I have failed in those times more often than I have succeeded. But every once in awhile I do alright.

One time in particular stands out to me right now. It was a time of what seemed to be unending darkness. I had filed for a divorce and I was so very lost. My soon to be ex-wife was off ruining her life, as I was trying to sort through the insanity of waking up one day to be a single dad.

I remember not knowing what to do. For the first time in my life, I had no clear path to follow and three little girls needed me to hold it all together. I felt so lost. I thought to myself that day, I am lost in the woods at night and I don't know which way to go. That thought tormented me all day.

I will spare you from a minute by minute account of my lunatic mind as day turned to night. Just know that before I was done with the crisis I was in, not only was I lost in the woods at night but the temperature had dropped, a cold rain had started to fall, and I had no shoes.

I remember trying to pray, looking for guidance as to which way I should go but all I found was silence. I had no compass and any direction could lead to disaster. With everything that had happened and everything that could happen, I was scared and my heart was broken.

That night it got really dark until the moment the thought came to me, "if you were lost in the woods what could you do?" As I saw it, there were only two choices. I could either sit down and wait for someone to find me or I could start walking. But which direction.

I realized that it wasn't that I didn't have options, I was just too scared to choose one. In my mind, I had already, by my past decisions, proven that my judgment was really bad...I mean really bad... But I have never been the wait and let someone rescue me kind of guy.

I could pick any direction but which one was the right one?

I learned that night when you are lost in the woods at night in the cold rain with no shoes, picking the right direction didn't actually matter. That in that situation any direction was the right choice. It was not picking a direction that held the real danger...so I picked one.

Those days were the worst of my life but what came after, the time I spent with those three innocent young ladies were by far the best of times.

I have since wondered how I lost my shoes in that figurative woods, it just seems unrealistic,..